From Matter to Energy
I’ve always been inspired by unseen energetics, requesting my first tarot deck around age 6 (request denied) and stalking my local library for new additions in the very very tiny section that housed all the books about the secrets of the pyramids, the Bermuda Triangle, Atlantis, forgotten knowledge of ancient cultures, ghosts, UFOs, mysterious orbs, etc. (I’m honestly so impressed in hindsight that a tiny suburban Georgia library in the 80s had all of these, so thank you, Gwinnett County Public Library, and thanks Mom for indulging my interests even tho you may have been a little freaked out.)
Jewelry is a natural extension of my interest in the intangible, as changing our adornment can create a noticeable difference in the way we feel. Seemingly unrelated, an exterior piece of jewelry and an interior state of feeling become connected by that energy exchange. So it makes sense that I found a career as a jewelry designer and maker. Even though I love the finished product, after making jewelry more than full-time for close to 10 years, I realized I no longer had the will to power through long studio sessions. Something was off in the way I was relating to work, and that began to reignite the search for what’s within us, underneath us, above us. What we can’t see, but we can feel.
Life, while full of joyful moments, felt like a constant struggle because I was living so far outside of myself. I was constantly on edge, worried about my next self-imposed deadline, snapping at my husband when he interrupted my frenzied workdays, which were all my workdays. And as much as I liked to tell myself that things would be more chill as soon as I got X project done, all those projects came and went and I never slowed down. I was working for myself, doing what I “loved” to be able to live my dream life, but I was always working towards something, instead of being able to enjoy what I had. I couldn’t enjoy much in a perpetual state of near panic, but I pushed through because I thought I was doing everything I “should” do to advance my life and career.
After spending years (so so so many years) burning the candle at both ends, knowing that I didn’t want to live like that, but not having any idea how to shift into the ability to enjoy the life I was trying to create, I knew something needed to change, permanently this time, and that’s when I found Human Design. Finally something shifted. When I learned what it meant to be a Projector, I immediately felt like I was coming home to myself, like a huge full-body exhale. While we’ll always have our human issues on this polarity planet, Human Design has allowed me to reframe everything from a new perspective, and I feel like myself, finally.
My problem for so many years was trying to be someone I’m not, following a path that wasn’t mine to follow. Which, actually, led me to this knowledge, so in a way, it was exactly my path to follow. (Especially with a 6/2 profile. Wish I’d known about that pre-Saturn return.) There is no ONE path. Everyone is so unique, and each path looks different, and the point of Human Design is to show you that your path is the one that allows you to just be yourself.